LifeBeat follow-up: Lindsay White

The last Puna Press Live Twitch show I hosted of “LifeBeat: Conversations with Purposeful Womxn” was in July 2021. But the first show I hosted was in August 2020 (watch original episode). Think back to that particular time of that particular year. The country and much of the world was in its fifth month of lockdown due to the (still ongoing) COVID-19 pandemic. We didn’t know how long it would last or really what it all meant in relation to how we had previously functioned in the world or how we would manage everything in the future.

I wanted to take some time to revisit these shows and my guests and what they have been up to since we last spoke as part of this LifeBeat series. I think you’ll find that even through a devastating pandemic, these creative souls have found ways to feed their imagination, to nourish their well-being, and to remain ever-present as they face whatever lies ahead.

Lindsay White

When I spoke to Lindsay in August 2020, five months into the pandemic, she was focusing on her physical and mental well-being, getting more involved with food justice in San Diego, and trying to “keep the wheels on” the creative women’s collective she had founded, Lady Brain. Some of these things have stayed the same and some have changed. She also shared some very exciting news for her and her wife, Audrie. The following Q&A was conducted over email. Lindsay provided her answers on Sept 28, 2021, about 13 months since we had chatted on Twitch.

Lizzie: You were reading Children of Virtue and Vengeance. What are you currently reading, listening to, or binge watching now?

Lindsay: I’m now reading little snippets of a bunch of birthing books, as we are expecting our first baby in December! I’ve also been binge watching the show Sex Education on Netflix.

As far as habits you acquired or things you started during quarantine, you were focusing on wellness, and you’d gotten involved with We All We Got San Diego (WAWGSD). Can you provide updates on those things?   

As the pandemic dragged on, my anxiety skyrocketed. I took a three-month hiatus from social media and dove a bit further into meditation. Quieting my mind for that period of time resulted in some wildly transformative mind-body-spirit experiences; some of it was pretty terrifying but most of it was really healing and helped me move through a lot of stagnant grief.

After five failed IUIs (intrauterine insemination), we thought the chapter had closed on our fertility journey, but we decided to give embryo adoption a shot and ended up getting pregnant in the spring of 2021! Since then, I’ve been busy trying to grow a human in my body and keep a roof over my head.

Because of the growing baby bump, I’ve had to step back a bit from some of the physical work I was doing with We All We Got SD, but I’m still volunteering behind the scenes with remote roles like fundraising and food sourcing. 

Please talk about the evolution of the Lady Brain. 

As of June 2021, Lady Brain Presents has been on indefinite hiatus. The pandemic obviously presented a great deal of obstacles in terms of organizing the collective’s activities, but several other factors led to an ultimate decision to step away. First, the aforementioned mental health issues depleted a lot of my energy and capacity. I felt a strong urge to step away from leadership in general and lean into the different ways I could contribute directly to my community from more of a supportive, listening, and learning position, without overextending myself and taking on all the stress that comes with being the sole person “in charge.”

Working with We All We Got SD was an opportunity to do just that. WAWGSD also aligns much more closely with social justice issues that I am passionate about and felt that I was struggling to work into the ethos of Lady Brain. Finding out I was pregnant was the final straw; it made me realize something was going to have to give in order to make enough space for being a mom, so that’s when I decided to officially shutter the business.

I’m still proud of the work we did with Lady Brain, particularly the friendships and supportive network of creatives that continues to this day. My hope is to one day have the energy and capacity to resurrect or revamp Lady Brain in the future. Maybe it will be a cool retirement project after I raise my kid.   

I asked what was bringing you joy, and your answer was Audrie and reprioritizing your time with her. Is that still the case? Do you feel like you’re back in the grind? What is bringing you joy now?

Audrie is definitely back to the grind now that her jobs have opened up, but we are still trying to make it a point to spend quality time together and get all our ducks in a row before the baby comes. She’s been working seven days a week since I’ve known her, but she recently decided to step back from one of her jobs so our daughter can actually, you know, see her sometimes. It sucks to have to choose between money to live on or time with your family, but hey, that’s capitalism in San Diego for you. 

As for what is bringing me joy, it’s kinda hard as a highly anxious pregnant person to experience and sit in joy because I’m always anticipating the next trillion things that could go wrong. (Super fun!) Little things make me happy these days, like going on walks, getting a massage, Facetiming with my sister, or meeting up with my friend, Lizzie! 

Even though “joy” as a concept is difficult for me, I have no trouble sitting in gratitude, so I’ll also note that in addition to food/housing stability and all the other daily conveniences that we tend to take for granted, I am SO beyond grateful for the support of my friends and family who continue to show up for me and Audrie in so many ways. We really do feel like we have a village around us that will help make us better parents and contribute to our daughter feeling loved and protected. I’m also so thankful that I have a bit of downtime before we welcome River Jean into the world. Not every pregnant person has that opportunity, though I really believe they should. I wake up feeling so fortunate that I can take my time to do little things like make breakfast, work on a draft of my book, or just rest if that’s what my body needs. Rest is everything. 

Is there anything else you want to tell us about what’s happened to you since we talked in August 2020?

I’ll be taking another social media hiatus from Oct-December 2021, staying active only on Patreon. If you’d like to support my “maternity leave,” please consider subscribing for as little as $2/month. patreon.com/lindsaywhitemusic    

I’m also continuing to raise weekly grocery shopping funds for We All We Got SD and rely on donations from the community to help meet my goal of $300/week. If you have the privilege/means to budget for wealth redistribution, I encourage you to use Venmo (@ lindsayannwhite) or email me at lindsayannwhite (at) gmail (dot) com to be added to my weekly reminder texts and/or inquire about other ways to support. It takes a very small effort to make a very big difference. If you’re feeling exasperated by the seemingly hopeless state of the world, just remember that adding small practices of community care to your daily routine is one way to combat that sense of overwhelm.

Other than that, you can check out my other work at lindsaywhitemusic.com. 

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Thank you, Lindsay, for sharing how you’re contributing to your community through WAWGSD and to the world with a new human! River Jean is expected in early December. In the meantime, Lindsay is working on a memoir about the “transformative mind-body-spirit experiences” she had in late 2020 called Dead Mom Talking, AND she has released five singles of new songs. She shares her work on Patreon so be sure to subscribe to keep in touch with all that Lindsay’s doing.